Purposefully Annoying
by MyOwnWorstCritic
Summary: House/OC, pre-Season 4 Finale, "Can I go prank one of the nurses? Ooh! Or uncle James' new assistant? Pretty please?"


"Hi."

"Hey Erin."

"Are you busy?"

"Am I ever?"

"Yes and no."

"What do you mean?"

"You always need to be doing something, but you never actually do it."

"I'm insulted."

"No you're not."

"You're right."

"But do you have time?"

"For you? Always and never."

"What?"

"I'm supposed to always have time for you, but I never do."

"Jerk."

"Who taught you that word?"

"Nobody. I heard one of the nurses call you that..."

"You're hanging half off the table there."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"HELP ME!"

"Oh, well you don't have to yell."

"Yes I did, or you wouldn't help me."

"Point in case."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I have a question, why do you call mommy Cuddy?"

"Why do you ask so many questions?"

"Because it's a normal thing for my age."

"What age would that be?"

"You know!"

"Actually, I don't."

"I'm nine."

"And who told you it was a normal thing?"

"Uncle James."

"Well don't listen to him."

"Why?"

"What was your original question?"

"Yes. Why do you call mommy Cuddy?"

"Because that's her name."

"No, her name is Lisa."

"I call everybody by their last name."

"Not Thirteen and Amber. Or me. Why?"

"Why don't I call you by your last name? Or why don't I call Amber or Thirteen by their last name? 'Cause it'd be weird if I called you House, or Amber Wilson. And Thirteen because I want to."

"You're misleading."

"Well, aren't we full of big words?"

"Dad!"

"Yes?"

"My question wasn't why do you call 'us' by our names. My question was why you call everybody by their last name."

"'Cause I want to."

"But, wait."

"I wasn't going anywhere."

"Why do you call mommy Cuddy?"

"We're back at that? I thought I answered you."

"Mommy's last name is House."

"It's actually Cuddy, I thought you could read? What's written on her door?"

"I can read, it says 'Lisa House-Cuddy, Em Dee.'"

"See? It says Cuddy."

"But it also says House."

"But it's also Cuddy."

"Nuh-uh, it's House."

"Cuddy."

"House."

"Cuddy was there first."

"How do you kno—... Oh, yeah."

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That 'oh yeah'."

"You were here first."

"You insult me."

"No, actually I didn't."

"Yes, actually, you did."

"... Okay, I did."

"You scare me when you giggle mischievously like that."

"Now who's the one with the big words?"

"Ooh, you look just like Cuddy right now, raised eyebrow, arms crossed, the expression, all you miss now are the boobs and ass."

"Hmf."

"In a few years kid."

"You mean ten."

"Yup."

"..."

"Hey!"

"What?"

"You just stole my lollipop!"

"So?"

"So? It was mine!"

"Oh, puh-lease _House_. Grow up and get yourself another one."

"Why couldn't you get another one?"

"Because the nurses' station is out of red ones."

"So you took mine? Why?"

"I thought I just told you. Daddy, you're starting to forget things... you're getting old."

"You don't have to say it in such a conspiratorial voice, I know."

"Con-what?"

"Comes from the word conspiracy."

"Which is...?"

"Look it up in a dictionary."

"Conspiracy means looking something up in the dictionary? I thought that was searching, or looking for a definition."

"You're being purposefully annoying."

"I'd like to think of it as my charm. Plus, you do it all the time."

"I do not."

"Yuh-uh. Remember last week I was trying to read and you kept interrupting? You were doing it on purpose."

"I was."

"See!"

"But boys are supposed to be annoying, not girls."

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment. The girls my age are wimpy."

"It wasn't one. And what do you mean wimpy?"

"Yesterday Carrie-Ann yelled and was having an ep-lept attack because I was holding a spider."

"Why were you holding a spider?"

"Because they're cool, and it was dead anyways and just to scare Carrie-Ann."

"High five... Good girl."

"Mom says you're teaching me bad things."

"So?"

"That's what I said!"

"My Go-d, you are my doughta afta all! Crikey!"

"Daddy, you're English accent sucks."

"I was doing Steve Irwin."

"He's the guy who got bit by a fish right?"

"Yeah, after he wrestled alligators and snakes and all that stuff, he gets defeated by a fish."

"Stupid."

"Funny."

"Both... I'm bored."

"I'm insulted."

"Of course you are. Can I go prank one of the nurses? Ooh! Or uncle James'' new assistant? Pretty please?"

"Only if I get in."

"Deal."

"Pinky swear."

"Pinky swear."

"Now, what do you have in mind?"

"Wait."

"... Why are you looking around."

"To make sure nobody hears me so I don't get in trouble, because if I do, you're going down with me."

"Evil."

"Always."

"The coast is clear."

"Okay, here's what I thought..."


End file.
